You know, I seem to be linking to Tales of a Kitchen Witch a lot lately. Luckily, she's awesome, so no one should mind. Regardless, her post today stirred up a memory for me. She wrote about Michelle Duggar's miscarriage, and some of the nasty things she has seen posted online about it, and her own experiences with miscarriage.
I have one child here with me; but there are 9 other babies that I will never get to hold, never get to tell that I love them. I have a great life, a great family and great friends - but it wasn't always that way. So when someone gets e-bullied for having a miscarriage, it bugs me on a personal level. I've experienced plenty of bullying about my miscarriages, so it is truly personal thing. There are the usual people that say you can always have another child - I won't go into that here, because that isn't what this is about. We all know at this point that a new child does not replace a lost one. No, the thing that bothers me is that I've had so many people tell me I'm lying about my miscarriages, that I couldn't have had that many, or that I was just imagining it.
Literally. That I was imagining it. That it was all in my head.
One of my miscarriages - I won't say which one, because of certain events that may be identifiable to some people I know - was a little harder to handle, because some people I lived with referred to it as my fake pregnancy.
"It wasn't fake! I LOST my baby!" I said to them once, fed up with it.
"Uh huh. Well you aren't pregnant, are you? Yeah." They replied.
It is difficult to convey the snippy tone in which it was said.
In some ways, I still mourn all of my babies. I never forget them, regardless of that I have my Brianna now. Sometimes, at certain times of the year, I find myself thinking, "That one would have been 4 right now." Not everyone is going to understand miscarriage. That's okay. What isn't okay is calling it fake because you don't understand it, have never experienced it. After all, Karma is a kicker. The people I mentioned above are now having fertility issues of their own, and finding themselves unable to have children. And you know what? I hurt for them.
It never gets less sad or emotional as life goes on. You can move forward, but you never really get over it. So please, be compassionate to those in your life who have had a miscarriage. Whether it is their first or their fifth, if they have other children or not, it is always devastating.