A Lament

We interrupt our regularly scheduled divination broadcast today to bring you the lament of a Mother - namely, me - whose child has entered the first part of the "no" stage.  Here is a taste of how my morning has been:

Me:  Good Morning, Brianna!  (as I'm getting her out of the crib)

Brianna:  No.

Unfazed, I continued on.  

Me:  Do you want a new diaper?

Brianna: No.

Me: Do you want to get dressed?

Brianna: No.

Me:  Do you want to stay in PJs?

Brianna: No.

Me:  Do you want breakfast?

Brianna: No.

Me: Do you want to read a book?

Brianna: No.

Me: Do you want to play with a toy?

Brianna: No.

So we got her a new diaper and got her dressed regardless, and she is munching her breakfast.  I don't hold out much hope for the continuation of my sanity, however.  

Goddess Bless,

Stacy

Pagan Values - Wiccaning

A Wiccaning.  A presentation of a child to the Goddess and God for protection and blessing.  This is something that has grown in popularity in recent years, as more and more of us suddenly find ourselves not as solitary we once were.

It used to be that all Wiccans wanting to join a coven had to be adult.  Any underage person who came to a Witch and asked to learn was turned away.  This is understandable from a legal standpoint, you don't want to be seen as being inappropriate with someone's child, regardless of how the word inappropriate will be interpreted.  Things have come a long way, though we still have to be careful of the legalities.  If an underage person wanted to join a Circle or Coven I was heading, I would absolutely have to meet with their parents first and get express written consent, as well as I would invite them to any meetings or rituals their child would be attending.  As much as I hold education and learning of so much importance, parents always must have the final decision until their child reaches the age of majority, and I'm not going to ever suggest that I know better than someone else how to parent their child.

Lately, more and more of us have been having families, and what do we do with the little Witchlings that we've borne?  Especially for those of us coming from Christian backgrounds, we wonder what we should do.  Christening, of course, attempts to set a child on the path of God right at birth.  Which, as so many of us can attest to, obviously has nothing to do with our actual path.  So what about Wiccaning?  A Wiccaning, or Naming ceremony, doesn't say that the child should follow the path of it's parents.  It simply introduces them to the divine, and blesses them.  There are many different variations of course, as many variations as there are Wiccans.

As Pagan parents, should we shy away from such ceremony, or embrace it?  On the one hand, some of us who were baptized or Christened are children resent it.  Those that do may see Wiccaning in the same light, a blessing  of the child specific to one Religion.  Personally, I think it is important for a child to be blessed by Deity and the elements.  Such is the world they will grow up in with their parents, where the Goddess and God are ever present.  Nowhere does it say in the ceremony that the child will belong to the Goddess and God for all their days, and so the option is always open for that child to follow whatever path they see fit to them.

Do you agree with Wiccanings?  Have you had a similar ceremony for your children?

Goddess Bless,

Stacy  

Pagan Family Values

As I'm sure is a redundant statement by now, June is Pagan Values Blogging Month.  My first one!  Yay!

If any of you have been paying attention over the past almost-year, you will have seen the multiple posts that I've put forth on family.  Family is important, one of the most important things to me.  But what are a Pagan families values?  The list for every family will be different, but here are a few that I consider important for my family.

Togetherness.  We love spending time together.  We don't even have to be doing anything.  Brianna can be playing with her legos on the floor, Sean will be reading a book, I'll be crocheting.  But we are all in the same room.  Brianna doesn't have a play room, I don't have a craft room.  We have a family room, and we spend time together in it.

Laughter.  Laughter is so important.  In my opinion, laughter is what connects souls together.  If you've ever been getting to know someone and shared a joke with them, you feel closer to them after you have shared that laugh.  Laughter is an intimate act, it's allowing someone to see you at one of your most happy times.  Laughter is a magickal bubbling of energy, and it's contagious!  As all acts of love and pleasure are her rituals, I think pleasure applies to this!

Trust and Honesty. While laughter might connect souls, trust is part of the glue that binds them.  When someone ceases to be honest with us, we lose trust in that person, and that in turn weakens the soul-bond between us.  When we trust someone, that bond is strengthened.

Forgiveness. We should always be ready to forgive our family.  The will stick by us when no one else will.  It is hurtful to hold a grudge on both sides.

Gratitude. Just say thanks!  It doesn't have to be anything elaborate.  Knowing that you are appreciated feels wonderful, doesn't it?  It feels that way for everyone!  We all want to be appreciated, but so many of us (myself included on occasion) forget to appreciate the people in our lives.  As strange as it may seem to say, think of training a puppy.  You use positive reinforcement; if you sit you'll get a treat.  People work the same way, only appreciation and gratitude are the treats.  If your child takes out the garbage without being asked for once, don't just think to yourself, "Finally!  Now maybe he'll do it every time."  If you take the time, all of a minute or two, to tell them you appreciate them taking the garbage out, that makes them feel good.  Feeling good is addictive.  They will do something else to get more praise.  And it doesn't just apply to household chores!  We take more joy in the things we do when we know that it will be appreciated.

Communication. If you don't communicate with each other, the above values can hardly be found.  Communication, the ability to convey what you mean to others, and to understand what others are conveying to you, is key to just about any relationship, not just family relationships.

These are just a few, of course.  They aren't all of the values I consider important, because that list could go on forever!  What are some of your family values?

Goddess Bless,

Stacy

The Sexual Child??

You know, there is a growing epidemic affecting children (and their parents).  This epidemic, first brought on (to my knowledge) by people like Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera.  Yes, I'm spelling their whole names.  If you don't know them personally, you shouldn't pretend to. 

This epidemic is then taken a step further by parents, (and some grandparents, *ahem) who proceed to buy clothing for their kids that allude to these (and more recent) women/girls who like the "sexy" look. 

It's one thing for a woman to look sexy.  It's another thing to look slutty, and it's another thing completely to market slutty clothing towards pre-teen kids.

This article on CNN is fabulous.  Parents, don't dress your kids like tramps is honest and real, and my first reaction?  "Finally!!"  Maybe parents dress their kids like that so because they want the kids to be popular, but heck.  I'd rather my daughter be popular on her own merit than because she looks a certain way.  I certainly don't remember (please say I didn't!) dressing "sexy" like that when I was young.  When I was 6, 7, or 8 years old I think I was more concerned with reading and playing than with clothes, or how they made me look.  If anything, I think I was the opposite, with baggy shirts and backwards hats.  (I have a picture somewhere, complete with flannel over-shirt.  I'll show you sometime.)  Even if I had wanted to dress in "sexy" clothes at that age, I'm fairly sure my parents wouldn't have let me.  I sure as heck am not going to let Brianna dress like that.

In the article, they state that "In 2007, the American Psychological Association's Task Force on the Sexualization of Girls issued a report linking early sexualization with three of the most common mental-health problems of girls and women: eating disorders, low self-esteem and depression".

What does that say for what we are doing to our kids?

All you have to do is watch one episode of "Toddlers and Tiaras" on TLC to see how sexual some women portray their young daughters (and in some cases, sons!).  We worry about the rise in crimes on children, and wonder why these people are taking our kids!  Maybe they wouldn't see kids as sexual beings if the parents didn't dress them as such.

It's really hard for me to stop writing on this topic, because it is so close to my heart.  Someone in our family (no name calling) is already buying clothes like this, "For Brianna to wear in a few years!".

Brianna is a year and half!  A few years?  Seriously?!

What will you do for your kids? 

Goddess Bless,

Stacy

The Spring Collection

This year, Brianna is old enough to know what's going on.  She pays attention to her surroundings, and of course wants to touch and eat everything she sees.  It makes going for walks much more difficult, but much more fun, as well.  It's also a great opportunity to begin showing her little bits of nature, and teaching her to see the beauty and divine within.  I know she won't be able to grasp much yet, but foundations are built little by little. 

She seems to really love pine cones.  There is one sitting on my desk right now, from the last time my Dad came over and we all went for a walk.  It's got a couple tine pieces missing out of it; I'm hoping it was like that when we picked it up instead of Brianna having tasted it. 

Have you ever looked at a pine cone?  Really looked?  Each piece perfectly interlocks, and the colors!  From beige to roan to brown, all on one little "shingle".  You can feel the energy of it.  I don't know that Brianna can feel that energy yet, but appreciation and interest are the first steps.

Trying to eat it is showing interest, right?

On a walk last year.

We also make a point of picking something up pretty much every walk we go on.  We have a feather, a few rocks and a bunch of flowers from last year, when she was still too little to eat them.  We're pressing the flowers, so she can have a little box for all of her treasures we get on walks someday.  Every little piece of nature she can grow up with and appreciate, the easier it will be later on to teach her to see the divine in nature.  I want to have a box for each season, so eventually we can show her the different elements in each season as well.

What do you do or will do with your kids to show them nature?  What did you do when you were young?

Goddess Bless,

Stacy

The effects of Modern "Magic"

I'm happy to say that I got a full nights sleep last night, as did everyone else in the house!  Yes, baby included.  I wish I could say that it was due to the amethyst sleep spell I posted, but I can't.  I was going to go buy an amethyst for it tonight.

No, this is due to the magic of children's Advil.  Now that I'm thinking on it, can one consecrate Advil?  Regardless, I digress.  We discovered, or rather, Brianna told me, that she was teething.

Brianna: *Points at teeth* "Me! Me! Me!"

Myself: "Do you're teeth hurt?"

Brianna: "Me!"

Myself: "Does Brianna's legs hurt?"  (I had to ask control questions...haha)

Brianna: *shakes her head, points at teeth*

Myself: "Does Brianna's tummy hurt?"

Brianna: *shakes her head, points at teeth*

Myself: "Does Brianna's teeth hurt?"

Brianna:  *nods head, points at teeth* "Me! Me! Me!"

That was the night before last.  It's not just any teething, either.  It's her eyeteeth.  So at that I gave her the Advil.  She still didn't go to sleep until 6am that day or I guess yesterday?  So last night we gave her Advil right before bed, so it would kick in an hour or so later.  And we all got to sleep through the night!

If you aren't a parent, you won't understand that.  Heck, I even have trouble understanding it.  How can we be so excited about getting to sleep through the night?  It's one of those things where, as a parent, you have to celebrate. 

So our plan now is to give her Advil before bed again tonight, and then no Advil the next night.  We don't want to over medicate her, but it's so important that she get a full nights sleep too.  This is the first morning in almost a week that she doesn't have huge bags under her eyes. 

Hopefully over the next couple of days I'll be able to get into town and pick up some teething tablets at the health food store for her.  Until then, nice cool grapes always make her feel better!  Not only are they a healing fruit, she just loves her grapes! 

Somehow, through a mixture of Magick and Magic, we'll hopefully go back to sleeping through the night on a regular basis.

Sleep Spell

Ah, sleep.  Something that every parent wants and children think they can do without.  We aren't talking about just any sleep spell, though.  We want one for babies and toddlers.  Why?

I'll tell you why.

I love being with my daughter.  She's fun.  I like spending time with her when she is up for 4 and half hours in the middle of the night, but I like sleep more at that point.  Babies need their sleep too.

The young, sleeping Brianna

So, what do you need for a sleep spell for children and babies?  Well, of course the choking hazard for small children will always come into account.

You'll need:

A small purple fabric bag, preferably velvet but any fabric will do
An amethyst
A lock of the child's hair
Tape


Wrap the hair around the amethyst and say:

Close your eyes and drift to sleep;
While across the sky the moon does sweep.


Place the hair wrapped amethyst in the bag, and tape the bag to the underside of the bed or crib, about where their head usually lay.  This eliminates the choking hazard of placing it under a pillow.

Now you just have to enjoy the sleep!  You can easily do this spell for yourself as well, just use a lock of your own hair and you don't have to use the bag at all.  Chances are you won't try to swallow your amethyst.  This should be renewed about once a month.

Now, I'm going to try and nap.

Goddess Bless,

Stacy

The Importance of Love

Sorry it's been so long, everyone!  My internet is finally up and running with no bugs, so no worries any longer.  I'm sure I'm stating the obvious, but yesterday was Valentine's Day.  We aren't anti-valentines like some people, but neither am I bugging Sean to get me flowers and chocolate.  We had a nice steak lunch at home while Brianna napped, but we do that several times a year anyway.  I think Valentine's day is a nice idea, but among it's many flaws are the facts that it promotes the once a year celebration of love, and it excludes other family members. 

We should be showing love and affection to all our family members everyday.  Do you tell your spouse you love them everyday?  Do you tell your children you love them everyday?

I was inspired today by a post at The Broken Road.  If you haven't read this blog, you should.  But only if you have a box of Kleenex nearby.  Tiffany, writer of the blog, started it originally to share her families struggles with her son's Autism diagnosis.  Unfortunately it ended up a place where she is sharing her 9 month old daughter's death, as well.  Her store is heartbreaking, but her courage in the face of all of this is truly amazing.  It does bring to light the fact that life is unpredictable.  What's going to happen tomorrow?  We don't know.  If do tarot readings, scrying, runes or another clairvoyant endeavor, you might have an idea of where the future is headed.  However you still don't know. 

Here is where I'm going with this:  What do you want your last words spoken to your spouse to be?  To your children?

Telling your kids to put on jackets, telling your husband to pick up more milk on the way home, or Goddess forbid something angry? 

Expressions of love should be an everyday, and constant thing, and even the small things shouldn't be discounted.  Every touch, every breath, can be an expression of your love.  No one should live in a loveless home, and no one should have to live in a home where they are loved and don't know it. 

So tell your spouse you love them.  Not because it was Valentine's day yesterday, but because you love them!  Tell your children how happy you are to have them, because you know you wouldn't trade them for anything!  Tell all your friends and family.  There is no such thing as saying you love someone too much.

This is one of my favorite pictures of Sean and Brianna, taken shortly after coming home from the hospital.  Look at how he's holding her; with his arms wrapped so tight around her.  You can see expressions of love too, it doesn't always have to be told.

Goddess Bless,

Stacy

Are we bullying our kids?

Surprisingly, this was not brought on by all the buzz about bullying you hear about lately.  It has nothing to do with whether we are Pagan or otherwise, even.  It was brought on by a simple statement on a parenting forum I participate in.  Here is part of a question a woman on the forum asked about her son's music classes:

"The “Tiger Mom” in me is making him continue to go despite his protests because I believe it is important for his development. Am I being too tough? Am I not pushing enough? Maybe instead of a sweet little music class, he should be practicing the violin an hour a day?"

I was so incredibly shocked.  Her son is 3 years old!  I can't imagine anyone "pushing" their child to do something that they dislike that much.  Not only is it killing the individuality that we should all be trying to instill in our children, but it is simply wrong!  I truly believe that children have rights.  We've all said that, at "that" stage.  "I can decide for myself!"  "I have rights too!".  Well, children do have rights. 

They have the right to a parent who listens to them, who accepts what they say, and works with them instead of against them. 

They have the right to make their own decisions, even one so small as not attending a certain optional class any longer.  

They have the right to make their own mistakes, because no matter how we try to tell them something they will have to try it for themselves. 

We have the duty to protect our children, to nurture them, to raise them to be a good person.  We can't give in to everything, but that doesn't mean we can't listen and compromise.  That doesn't mean that we have the right to take away their rights.  It doesn't mean we get to force them to do the things that we always wished we could have done.  If you want to play the violin so damn bad, then learn!  Don't force it on your toddler!

So many parents try to create that super baby, the whiz kid, the one that will graduate with a masters at 15.  Why can't we just let our children be children.  Teach them to be social by having play-dates at the park, not forcing them to some class with strange children they don't know.  Give them skills they will truly need in the world - not how to play the violin, but the ability to love, the ability to trust, and the ability to form true and lasting relationships with their peers.

If anyone tried to take away our freedoms, force us to do things, take away our ability to decide for ourselves, we would raise hell!  People wonder why their teenagers talk back, why their kids "act out".  So would we, if we were treated the same way that we treat them.  

Goddess Bless,

Stacy

Getting your child excited for Rituals

YAY for inspiration!  If you read my post from yesterday, you can tell I was having some issues.  I've posted about a lot of spiritual things lately, and when the time came for me to write I completely drew a blank.  So I improvised.  Later, I was baking yet more cookies, because we are giving them away as gifts this year.  It's a cheap year, I think I've said this before.  Regardless, as I was baking cookies I was thinking about the Yule Ritual and Brianna and Cookies, and everything just clicked.

Cakes and Ale = Cookies and Juice = Toddler/Child Participation in Rituals?

I have no clue why this never came up before.  I mean, how many kids love cookies and juice?  All of them.  How many kids will do just about anything to be able to have cookies and juice?  Most of them.  Children that young aren't really interested in spiritual things yet, and I wouldn't force Brianna to contribute if she didn't want to.  If she wants to participate in order to have juice and cookies at the end, why not?  It gets her used to participating in the ritual and used to doing rituals with the family.  I mean, Christians bribe their kids with after-church McDonald's, why can't I do the pagan equivalent?  If you don't know anyone who does this, try going to a McDonald's in bible belt Manitoba at noon on a Sunday.  Even if you can find parking, you won't find a table.  Mennonites have HUGE families.  I don't think there is anything wrong with using little tricks to get a child interested, at least until the age where they are starting to make those choices for themselves.

So, here is my recipe for Whatever Cookies, these are what I was making when the thought came upon me.  They are so named because you add a cup of whatever to them, chocolate chips, nuts, coconut, etc.  They can be whatever kind of cookie you want!

Whatever Cookies

½ Cup butter, softened.  (Or brick margarine)
½ Cup packed brown sugar
¼ Cup white sugar
1 egg
1 ½ tsp vanilla
1 ¼ Cup flour
½ tsp baking soda
1 Cup of Whatever

Preheat oven to 375°.  In a large bowl, cream the butter using an electric mixer on low.  Add the sugars and cream together.  Add egg and vanilla and mix, still on low.  In a medium bowl, stir together flour and baking soda.  Add half at a time to wet mixture, beating just to combine.  Fold in whatever.  I used chocolate chips this time, but they are yummy with just about everything.  Drop by teaspoonfuls on to greased baking sheets. Bake 8 to 10 minutes until golden.  I personally find 8 minutes is long enough for me.  Makes 36 teaspoon size cookies, they are crisp instead of soft.  This recipe makes awesome monster cookies with M&Ms, but it makes considerable less, numerically. Aren't I great at stating the obvious?

Hope you all have a great day, and have fun planning Yule!!!

Goddess Bless,

S.

Sometimes I just need to get my head on straight...

...Then I'll be able to figure these things out more quickly. We have discovered that we follow the attachment parenting plan. I had no idea what it was, I saw a message board about it. So I looked it up. Apparently, we have been following the b's for the past three months. So I feel kind of dumb. At the same time, it is nice to have that as an argument point for my mom, who feels that I'm trying to kill my daughter by co-sleeping part of the time. Yes, I was raised differently. But everybody, no matter what parenting plan they follow, has a different style. It takes all types, right? So YES, I will still bring Brianna to bed with me after she wakes up in the morning. I want her to feel comfortable in our bed, so that if she ever has nightmares she can come in and cuddle with us without her feeling bad about it. I want her to be able to count on us, and KNOW that we are there for her, whatever she needs. Who knows? Maybe she will turn into a little terror anyway.

As a side note, we may be in the beginning stages of teething! The extra drool, the red cheeks...biting everything she can get in her little mouth. Including Sean's finger for about 10 minutes straight the other day. His finger was sore for a good hour after that one. Heh Heh Heh.

There goes my happy baby. Here comes the biting terror! Gotta find the teething ring...

S.